You Deserve This
by Victoria Kit
Summary: Rogue mourns the very friend she fought to see again.
_You deserve this_.

Those three words together had been echoing in Rogue's mind since the very beginning of this all. All it took was the guts to steal an I.D.P.D. super weapon and the determination of looking for her friend. The words would always fill her mind as Rogue was pursued, chased by those who were once her comrades, once her co-workers and associates. They felt no remorse once she had turned. Through each area she traversed, they relentlessly chased her, never wondering how regarded her own actions.

 _You deserve this_.

The words still echoed as adrenaline fueled her through her fights, loyalty to her friend driving her to keep pressing onward. She was going to find him. She was going to. The I.D.P.D. did not halt, did not stop the chase.

Lil' hunter was her friend, after all, and what would be the point of any of this all, if not to find him again? Sure, there was the possibility of the Nuclear Throne, something the mutants back at the camp fire had chattered about so frequently. A supposed chance to save the world from all of the devastation the nuclear apocalypse had done, to some how improve the situations of all. That wasn't Rogue's priority, however, wasn't her main goal in mind when she had gone against her own people.

No, she was doing this for Lil' Hunter. Someone who she had spent many days with, had teamed up with on missions and shared laughs with during the times that humor was so very needed. Lil' Hunter had been there for Rogue, and she for him. When the I.D.P.D. had given up on him, refused to send out patrols in search of him after sending him into such a dangerous mission, Rogue was exasperated. She did not understand why, after everything he had done to serve them, that they hadn't done anything about it.

They didn't care about their own people, but Rogue did. So, she went _rogue_ , went against everything she was taught, everything she was trained, all for the sake of her friend. She would see him again.

 _You deserve this_.

Adrenaline continued to fuel her, but now for all of the wrong reasons. She tried reasoning with him the moment he approached, the moment she heard the maniacal, deranged cackling that was so _different_ , but it was his voice. It was his voice. It was _him_. So, why didn't he listen?

Rogue took many hits at that time, struggling to take down the other inhabitants of Frozen City, all hostile mechanical things with little other than destruction on their minds. The path was clear, and when Lil' hunter flew down and collided with the ground below, Rogue did not shoot. She called to him, tried desperately to remind him of who she was. _A friend._ _Friends. They were friends_. They had been since the earliest days of their interactions.

He still didn't listen.

During the fight, Rogue took many hits, and yet, she continued to reach out to her friend. She wanted more than anything to remind him of who she was. All the while, she wanted to remind him of who _he_ was, as it seemed that even _he_ couldn't remember his _own_ history.

He didn't go easy on Rogue. He didn't stop. Rogue had no option but to defend herself, to choose survival over self-sacrifice. After getting this far, the latter simply wasn't an option. At least, it did not feel like one, in the current situation.

Rogue gave it her all, and she bit down her urge to break down, swallowed her fears and her guilt.

 _You deserve this_.

When the fight was over, she trembled, heart pumping oh so very quickly, gasping heavily into her rebreather and feeling the ache in her lungs - _no_ , the ache in her _entire_ body.

This felt wrong. It felt _so_ wrong.

Her ears still rang from the explosion, nothing properly protecting them from the sounds of gunshots and blasts from all sides of the field. There were no more battles to be fought here, however. She had cleared out all of the enemies in the area, eliminated all of Frozen City's threats. Even the I.D.P.D., after all of their constant reappearances, ceased to make a comeback, quite likely planning another ambush in the next area. The portal out of Frozen City could have opened any minute now.

That was not of Rogue's concern, however.

Her knees buckled as she approached the rubble, falling into the dirty, darkened snow below her. Her hands fell before her, catching herself, though they did nothing to quell the sickened feeling in her gut as she saw the remains of what she had done. Dark, smoggy puffs of smoke still poured from the scene, small fires lighting numerous pieces of Lil' Hunter's armor ablaze. The body was nowhere to be seen, likely destroyed in the explosion. Rogue's throat was dry, feeling the urge to retch, to heave what little contents in her stomach that remained. Yet, she held back, knowing that she would ruin the only equipment she needed to survive, in doing so. When she found the strength within her to walk up to one of the larger pieces of Lil' Hunter's armor, she quickly extinguished it, brushing some snow onto the small flame that burnt it.

Holstering her weapon, Rogue held the plate of armor with both hands, gazing at it for what felt like ages. _She_ had done this. Not some other I.D.P.D. officer, not one of the mutants or an anonymous robotic monster, but Rogue.

Rogue had murdered her own friend. Her only friend. One of the few hopes she had in this desolate wasteland.

From the skies above, more snow fell, soft icy flakes fluttering onto Rogue and the rest of the world around her. Her bodysuit was barely enough to keep her warm in such weather conditions. The former I.D.P.D. member shivered, though she couldn't tell if it was from the cold alone, or the sheer terrifying realization of what she had done. Her hands, adorned in warn radiation-proofed gloves, still grasped the remnant of her friend, her cool blue eyes wide and never ceasing their stare.

 _You deserve this._

Rogue didn't cry. She felt the urge to, felt her throat go tight and her breathing go uneven, but nothing ever came out. Her eyes were too dry, her mind too overwhelmed to produce anything other than the occasional halt, the occasional hitch in her breath.

The I.D.P.D. had left Lil' Hunter to die, to mutate into someone who did not remember himself, did not remember his friends. When it came to dying itself, however, that wasn't the I.D.P.D.'s doing; _it was Rogue's_.

Keeping a tight grip on the defunct armor, Rogue glanced around the area, watched for any remaining enemies. As far as she was aware, she was the only one remaining. _Good. It's better that way._ Solitude would give her the time to do one last thing in Frozen City.

The icy area of the wasteland lacked for most things; there were no flowers, no stone to carve into. Feeling through the snow, Rogue caught a hold of something soft and textured like a fabric. Pulling it out from beneath the snow, she examined the item. It was a scarf, one that had certainly belonged to a Snow Bandit before she had ended its life along with everything else in the area.

Sighing deeply, Rogue held onto the scarf, wrapping it carefully around the armor. She walked along the area for a while, stepping over small hills and mounds of snow before she came to a small clearing. It was a calm place, a small valley where the aggressive howling of the wind was nowhere to be heard.

It wasn't the best location for a grave - very makeshift - but it would have to do.

Ever so carefully, Rogue pressed the scarf-wrapped armor into the snow until it stood up on its own, sticking out from the coldness surrounding it.

Perhaps it would not have meaning to any passerby who may have noticed it, but it was something from the heart. It was Rogue's way of apologizing - not just for her own actions, but on behalf of the rest of the I.D.P.D., for leaving him behind, for letting him down when they should have had him covered. It could have been anyone on that mission, could have been any member of the Department on that mission. It could've been Rogue. Yet, Lil' Hunter, former member of the I.D.P.D., once an excellent sniper, was the one to fail the mission, to be left for dead and abandoned.

A mere apology didn't feel like enough. It didn't feel like anything _close_ to enough.

 _You deserve this._

There was no telling if reaching the Nuclear Throne would actually bring all of the promises that were rumored around it. Rogue thought back to the mutants again, recalled Fish's burbling enthusiasm and Crystal's eagerness to reach the Throne for her family, their trashtalk still a rather foreign language to Rogue at the time. Their hopes, their dreams, though - they felt _real_. They felt more real than the Throne itself did. Yet, she ultimately made the decision to peruse it, just like they had.

Rogue would reach the throne. For Lil' Hunter. For the hope that somehow, life could become better, not just for herself or the memory of her friend, but for everyone out there. For hope that the world could be stabilized, as the legends said.

 _They can't chase you forever._


End file.
